Life is weird

I have invitations from Emory, Columbia, University of Pittsburgh and Brown.

Here are the logistics, though- if I go to any of these places, there is at best a 50% chance that A will be able to get a fellowship there the following year. (Surgery fellowships are far more competitive.) Even if he does, chances of my then finding a waiver job in the same area are also 50-50, at best. We are looking at a minimum 1 year separation, at maximum 3 years.

So, I'll likely take on a faculty job here in the department. Its a relatively small university-affiliated community program. They are rather desperate for new faculty. I'll get a university physician job, slightly lesser pay than elsewhere, a chance to continue in research and build my resume. Also a LOT of work shuffling between 3 hospitals, but work is good for the soul. A and I will get to stay together, and he will pick the vascular surgery fellowship here next year. It isn't his first choice either.

Compromises suck.

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About purplesque

Psychiatrist, cook, bookworm, photographer. Not necessarily in that order.
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16 Responses to Life is weird

  1. Scott says:

    Oof. That's tough. After college Amy and I wanted to stick together, so we applied to several grad schools and were lucky enough to have one accept us both (Washington U. in St. Louis). I don't know what we'd have done if the acceptances hadn't lined up.
    Is this a big professional sacrifice for you?

  2. LeendaDLL says:

    i agree. but both of you compromising for love is inspiring for the rest of us!

  3. homebody says:

    Hopefully not having to 1) move and 2) travel to see each other will save enough money to make the pay difference from the other fellowship seem less important if you decide to stay put.
    Best wishes with finding what feels best.

  4. Vijay says:

    As you say, compromises do indeed suck. You ought to talk to my wife. P would whole-heartedly agree. Look at the bright side. This gives you two a chance to plan having kids! 🙂

  5. Vijay says:

    Meant to add this to the comment before I posted, but forgot as I was correcting typos & syntax. There are more important things to life than advancement in one's career. That's a basic truth that most of us doctors, and a few other professionals, forget.

  6. being apart sucks more … it may only be in the short term, for no one can tell what the future brings with it….

  7. Lakshmi says:

    Congratulations on the decision, Purp.Being in a place that desperately needs you is better than a place you are one in a crowd. You'll do great,.AND..the most important thing is that you'll be together as family..

  8. Yow….more decisions!You're very courageous; you inspire me.I'm glad that you can find this way to stay together, even if it's not ideal work-wise…((((((((((happyhugs))))))))

  9. Congratulations, even if it means having to compromise. Just the fact that you received offers from such great universities means you are really gifted and worthy of merit.
    But sometimes having a family/loved one means giving up personal ambition. It hurts and you may wish in retrospect you chose one over the other: but I've found over the years that the time I spent with my kids when they were young was worth it.
    But you'll shine, no matter where you are.

  10. Purplesque says:

    I'm glad it worked out for you and Amy. Skipping the fellowship itself is not such a huge deal for me, and it won't make much difference in what I ultimately want to do. The real big deal is going to a bigger, better program, and learning how things are done at the cutting edge of psychiatry.

  11. Purplesque says:

    🙂 That makes me feel better. I think. Something new came up, though, and the debate is back in full swing.

  12. Purplesque says:

    Thank you. The money is not so much an issue, getting to stay together and the convenience of finishing the visa process versus pursuing our dreams is. Still fidgeting..

  13. Purplesque says:

    What kids? I'm not having kids. Its time to let the first world countries do some growing..lol

  14. Purplesque says:

    I don't know, Lakshmi, I don't know. We decided on this, and both of us felt so…deflated.

  15. Purplesque says:

    Thank you, HG. Something else has come up since then, and we are reconsidering the decision yet again. I feel so much better, though, having my neighbors and friends here to whine to.

  16. LeendaDLL says:

    that sucks!! but it's still totally cool that you're both willing to compromise for greater good.

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