Purple goes shopping

[And finds that retail therapy is a myth.]

If there is one thing I truly hate, it is shopping for clothes. The battle between my body, my pocket and the fitting room mirror is never fun, and nobody seems to win.

In the aisle — Think of all the things that must be considered while buying a single piece of clothing. Does the cut flatter me? Is it available in my size? Is this a good color? Is it too expensive? Is it natural or synthetic? Does this pattern make me look fat? Is it suitable for work? For fun? Will hubby like it? Is it too bold? Too safe? Too..something?

After running each item that catches my attention through the mental checklist, I deposit it in my cart and head towards the fitting room. At a 'sale', even this simple act is fraught with risks. Now that I'm older, and maybe a little wiser, I no longer attempt to shop during sales. It might turn me off wearing clothes altogether.

In the fitting room — I have twelve items of clothing and there is one hook on the wall. One hook. And that measly little wooden piece sticking out of the wall where I always forget my cellphone. For the next twenty minutes, I try to juggle between my own clothes, the clothes I want to buy, the clothes I reject, the clothes I need to look for in different size and color, hangers, and the conversation going on in the next cubicle. [ Do you think I have a pooch? You don't have a pooch. Does my bum look big in this? Nope. Okay, so should I buy it? No. Why? I don't know..it makes you look..kinda..old, you know. ] Fitting rooms are where the real S&M takes place, trust me.

Today, it took me three trials with ten items each to find five pieces that I like. Days like this, I believe Adam and Eve had it good. Why wear clothes when God made leaves? They come in all shapes, sizes and colors and are cheap and biodegradable. Grow a couple of trees in your backyard and have your own little clothes factory..imagine the convenience. I start losing myself in the happy reverie until the bell pings, indicating there are other people in line to torture their souls.

At the sales counter — Would you like to apply for a card? No thanks. You would qualify for an extra ten percent off, that would mean twenty dollars off your total. I know, but no thanks. We also have a special offer...at this point, I give her my most pained 'why don't you just kill me?' look that is usually reserved for husband when I'm PMSing. It does the trick. I escape and sprint towards my car, reveling in the freedom.

No more shopping for next six months!! Yayy!!

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About purplesque

Psychiatrist, cook, bookworm, photographer. Not necessarily in that order.
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13 Responses to Purple goes shopping

  1. I am one of those people who can decide in the first 30 seconds if I like it or not, so I whizz through fairly fast. I never bother to think whether hubby might like or not, I dress for me. I refuse to shop in sales also. I am of German descent and apparently it is in the Germanic genes not to like sales! I have a price point in my head and rarely go past that.

  2. Fitting rooms are where the real S&M takes place, trust me. lol — so true and so sad that we do that to ourselves, but we do, don't we?!This is a wonderful post– I'm going to favorite it — it's a gem.And YesYesYes to all of it!When I was in my thirties and had a liitle "clothes money" and a body that liked clothes, I loved to shop. But that didn't last; I dread it now and will do nearly anything to avoid it!At the sales counter — Aaaaaaccck!!!! Yes! It's nearly impossilble to get out of the store without the quiz at the cash register. Sometimes I pretend I speak only French (and hope that they don't).

  3. Artzy Lady says:

    Yeah, there is nothing like aging and those extra 15 I've packed on to make shopping an exercise in self image crucifixion.

  4. one of the greatest perks about working in the OR is that i no longer have to buy work clothes; i get to wear pajamas every day! (maybe your husband has the same sentiment?) i do not miss having to buy clothes at all; although it is now more enjoyable because i don't HAVE to do it. one of my new found joys is bargain hunting at high-end consignment shops, of which we have a few in this area. there's no pressure to buy anything, in fact there is no expectation that you'll find anything that'll fit both body and budget… but when you do find some incredible brand at an incredibly marked down price… it's fun. it's not for everyone, though– most people would balk at the idea of wearing second hand clothing.i always ramble when i'm tired.what did you end up buying?

  5. Purplesque says:

    Wow..I am envious! Is this a skill that can be taught? Or am I doomed forever..:)

  6. Purplesque says:

    LOL..thats a wonderful idea. Maybe I should make up a fake language, like we used to do as kids, speaking gobbledygook..but then I'd feel sorry for the saleswomen, they're just doing their job..*Goes to look for French dictionary*

  7. Purplesque says:

    I've finally learnt to battle that with a combination of denial and projection.' I can't believe they make clothes that small! These companies have no idea what women's bodies are really like!! Don't they do market research?!!':)

  8. saleswomen, Yes, I feel for them too; I worked retail (clothing!!) in my 20's and have an appreciation of how tough that job can be. So if I try to avois them linguistically I make sure to smile a LOT and look very apologetic. I've only done it a few times…..and I did feel guilty afterwards. Relieved, but guiilty.Au revoir!

  9. Purplesque says:

    Oh, yes, I LOVE scrubs!! In my first year I could wear scrubs everyday, it was great. Now that I have clinic, I'm expected to 'dress up' for clinic days, and sometimes an attending will assume that I'm on call if I show up in scrubs. I still try to wear them as often as I can..:)I did enjoy shopping for clothes in India..it was a completely different experience. You would be waited upon by your own salesperson, who would bring everything to you..colors, designs, materials. Once you bought the cloth, dresses were tailored to fit you. So if you knew a good place for materials and a good tailor, you were set. It seems so luxurious in retrospect..I like the idea of consignment shops, maybe I'll try that sometime. I bought a pair of pants and lots of spring-y shirts, all white and pink and lemon yellow.

  10. Emjay says:

    I think this is why they invented internet shopping just for me! I have a couple of sites I like and order up big there…. no stress – except the cost of returning all the unsuitable items!!

  11. Purplesque says:

    Oh, yes, internet shopping is perfect..I just can't buy clothes online, because if my success rate is the same as real-time shopping, I'd be returning stuff all the time!!

  12. Lakshmi says:

    If there is one thing I truly hate, it is shopping for clothes.Oh, my sister.

  13. Emjay says:

    It took me a little while to find the sites I like and the correct sizes – now I just tend to order from them all the time and my success rate has improved. The one thing I do miss is not being able to feel the material – I have chosen some horrible fake-type fabrics which have to be returned pronto! 😉

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